Excerpt: 27 Stages - Chapter One
Stage One (40 km - Individual Time Trial - Lisbon, Portugal)
Don't walk if you can stand. Don't stand if you can sit. Don't sit if you can lie down. The professional cyclist's mantra whirled around in my head until I could no longer be sure where it ended or began again.
At least I could do as instructed: I was flat on my back in bed, eyes closed, trying to ignore the way my stomach was twisting and turning. I wasn't sick, but it was going to be a struggle to maintain the poker face I'd need today.
I tried to shift my focus onto the time trial course I'd ride in a few hours. The recon ride with the group yesterday convinced me today's first stage was as good as mine. Barely forty kilometres long with only one climb through the heart of Sintra-Cascais Natural Park, then a winding descent on narrow switchback curves before the home stretch back toward Sintra itself.
My final, solo recon was in a couple of hours. I wanted to ride the route without distractions. I'd take it slow and easy, just enough to warm up and not expend too much energy before my afternoon start.
Refocusing again, I recalled yesterday's ride in detail: the bike as an extension of myself, the vibration of the road surface travelling through it. My reflexes and muscles twitched in anticipation of the increased effort of the climb and the slaloming descent on the other side, warm wind rushing past to cool the sweat standing on my skin. I grinned.
I've got the best fucking job in the world.
A tell-tale snick of a key card in the door's electronic lock pulled me back to full wakefulness. The door slammed open to the accompaniment of a fist pounding on the doorframe and a thunderous, demanding call:
"Renard! Brodowski! Wake up! Sveglia! Réveillez! Zbudzić!"
I glanced over at Romuald Brodowski, my roommate. Flat on his back he was, miraculously, still asleep.
He also sported a hard-on to shame even the most ambitious of men. His sheets made an impressive tent in the light from the hallway.
How the hell does he ride a bike with that thing?
Another pass from Jerzy Jankowski, our team manager/directeur sportif/Svengali, followed:
"Federico! Romuald! It's time!"
Jerzy moved down the corridor, banging open the doors of every room and shouting the names of my teammates as he had Rom's and mine. In the past, other occupants of the hotels had complained. This was a bad idea considering Jerzy's notorious temper, but few outside of the sport knew that. The team had been banned from five different hotels in France alone before the team sponsors had a talk with Jerzy (long-distance; they weren't crazy) and came up with a new plan.
Now, race organizers rented entire floors – sometimes entire bed-and-breakfasts or small hotels – to accommodate our riders and staff. This arrangement smacked of 'preferential treatment' to some of the other team organizations, and they were vocal about it, mocking all of Alta VeloCidad for being soft or for thinking we were somehow special.
Fuck it all.
I pulled my pillow out from under my head and ducked under it to block out the light and (as if it were remotely possible) to muffle Jerzy's shouting.
Besides, I knew what was coming next:
The nicknames.
"Ciccio! Robaczku! NOW!"
Once he'd reached this point, there was no going back. It was time to get up or risk an ice-water bath in bed. The bucket sloshed ominously while Jerzy stomped along the corridor, shouting out the nicknames for each member of the team.
Rom's nickname, Robaczku, supposedly means something like "Little Bug". No one has yet been able to clarify its origin for me.
My nickname is "Ciccio." In some regions of Italy, it's a term of endearment, which also means "chubby."
I hate it. Always have; always will. And that's precisely why Jerzy used it rather than "Chicco" – a proper nickname for "Federico." Subtle differences mean a lot.
Hearing it was motivation enough to get to my feet and shuffle to the toilet.
Before I reached the bathroom Jerzy poked his head into the room.
"Enfin, tu t'es réveillé!"
For some reason I'd been expecting Italian, not French, and it took me a moment to respond in my first mother tongue.
"Oui… presque." I was barely awake in spite of the sonic barrage, and he knew it.
"Est-il en place?"
"Certaines régions plus que d'autres, oui," I joked, regrettably aware some parts of my roommate were more awake than others.
Unamused, Jerzy grunted, shook his head and hit the light switch, bucket in hand. I went into the bathroom and closed the door.
At the same instant a flood of Polish expletives rushed out in Jerzy's voice, followed shortly thereafter by a splash and Romuald's simultaneous shriek of surprise.
I opened the bathroom door as Jerzy stalked out into the corridor and disappeared from sight. The now-empty bucket clanged hollowly from the direction of the ice machine at the end of the hall. I turned to find my team's wunderkind hill-climber dancing in place in the middle of our room, my dry bedcover wrapped around him for warmth.
He paused in his dance to look at me, his white-blond hair hanging limp and wet in his face, his eyes bright and alert. At least now the bedcover lay flat across his front.
"Czy długo będziesz?" he asked, pointing behind me.
I speak several languages – English, German, a smattering of Spanish, and I grew up speaking both French and Italian. Polish, however, hardly registers on my radar – with the exception of a few choice obscenities Jerzy had inadvertently taught us all.
I shrugged, not understanding, and ducked back inside to have my morning shower. One of my unofficial duties for the team was to get Rom speaking other languages. Though we'd roomed together for several months, he still spoke mostly Polish. He'd mastered food, drink, and rudimentary directions in a variety of languages, and that was about it. Oh, and swearing. He could curse in every language of the team (and there were plenty); in that regard, he was a prodigy.
I left the bathroom for Rom and got dressed. The process took much longer than normal, thanks to my compulsive handling of my mobile phone.
Put on underwear – check phone and make sure it's not on mute.
Put on sweatpants – check phone and make sure ringer is audible.
Put on t-shirt – check phone and make sure I didn't shut it off.
Put on socks and shoes – check where I put phone, to be sure I didn't lose it in the bedclothes.
Put on windbreaker and wristwatch – check phone and swear in frustration.
Where the hell was her call? Usually my fiancée, Solange, called early in the morning.
Today? Nothing. She hadn't called for a week.
I scrolled down to Melo, Solange, pressed "send," and waited.
And waited. The voicemail picked up, her stiff recitation of her name the only indication that the number was hers. I rang off without leaving a message. The others hadn't made a difference, anyway.
It was just as well. Jerzy was banging on doors again, summoning us to the dining hall. Rom and I fell into step behind our teammates on the worn hallway carpeting of our two-star hotel.
Heinrich Brunn was at the head of the group as usual. Without any breakfast in me, the sight of his back was enough to set my stomach on fire. I sensed Rom watching me and forced the scowl off my face, then rubbed my stomach, feigning hunger.
It was hard to keep my resentment to myself. Everyone on the team knew I was unhappy. I was sure Brunn knew it. Aside from Jerzy, Brunn knew me better than anyone else on the team did.
I'd been his domestique for three years, sacrificing my own strength and potential stage wins so that he, as team leader, could take the points, the titles – and often the entire competition. It was my job and I had done it without complaint, as Rom now did for me, because I knew my time would come.
Brunn had been in a major car accident in the off-season nearly four years ago, along with Jerzy and two other riders, one of whom died, the other rendered paraplegic. Both of Jerzy's legs had been broken. With a fractured pelvis, a cervical fracture and considerable damage to his knee, Brunn's initial diagnosis was that he'd never ride again. Then it was revised to say he'd never compete again. Then that changed to 'He'll never ride a Grand Tour'.
Yet here we were, about to ride the biggest Grand Tour of all, the Tour d'Europa, and Brunn was our likely team leader. Again.
Instead of me.
The hotel staff paused in their duties, making no secret of the fact they were watching Brunn go by as our motley mob passed through the corridors. A few of them even applauded – quietly, timidly – and I knew that Brunn had assumed his trademark intimidating scowl.
In contrast, I flashed everyone we met the biggest smile I could manage. One or two of the staffers smiled back. A young chambermaid batted her eyelashes at me in a charming, flirtatious way and I had to resist looking back after passing her.
Jerzy's team rules dictated that women were strictly verboten. No fooling around of any sort was permitted until after the Tour. Not that anyone would be up to dealing with a woman after riding a bike over a mountain or across one hundred-plus kilometres, six days out of seven.
A second young lady offered me a suggestive smile and I was forced to recall the salacious cover story for Grand Tours Magazine, which had dubbed me "The Face of the Tour." Try and live with that hanging over your head.
Still, if it stole some of Brunn's thunder, it was all to the good.
I had been Jerzy's pride and joy for the last four years; the heir apparent to Brunn's title. But as soon as the German had announced an interest in riding again, I ceased to exist in Jerzy's eyes.
Nothing I'd achieved was as impressive as Brunn's remarkable comeback. Every last one of my accomplishments, my titles – everything I'd achieved in his absence was forgotten.
Don't get me wrong. Brunn is an incredible athlete – his showing in the Giro d'Italia was proof enough of that. Placing sixth after nearly four years away is outstanding for anyone – never mind that he'd recovered so quickly from his injuries.
The manic publicity after Brunn joined the team again was nothing short of incredible. It was fitting and he deserved it, but that didn't erase the fact that I'd been short-changed.
Until Brunn's decision to return to the sport, until he'd rejoined us, I had been Jerzy's focus. I'd been performing beyond my wildest dreams, riding extremely well, taking prizes and stages almost at will.
And now, it meant nothing.
In spite of Brunn's presence or Jerzy's focus on him, I was determined to do my best on this Tour. I was approaching the peak of my abilities and I was determined; my expectations for this year's Tour d'Europa were higher than ever.
There was nowhere to go but down.
Never mind that. I can ride the hell out of the descents.
For now I was reduced to refraining from shooting daggers from my eyes at Brunn while the team filed down to the dining hall for our first meeting of the day. Under Jerzy's curt direction, we sat at the "U"-shaped tables which had been placed so we could all see him clearly.
He paced between the prongs while we settled in, some of us stifling yawns and rubbing bleary eyes. We'd had the recon ride yesterday, gone over the itinerary of the entire Tour – all twenty-seven stages – and hashed out initial strategies last night. We'd finished around midnight.
Jerzy directed me to a chair close to Brunn and Rom took the seat next to me. At last our leader stopped pacing, bringing the group to a collective hush. He turned slowly, silently, until his gaze came to rest on Brunn, who sat at the apex of the "U" looking like a king at the table, presiding over the lot of us.
"Today will be a challenge for some of you," Jerzy began. "It's not an especially difficult route, but I still expect each and every one of you to give your best to this today. Ride with your heads as well as your legs. If I see any slacking off, I will bring the car up and personally give you the shove of a lifetime."
A murmur of chuckles passed through the group, but I don't think anyone doubted that he'd do it. We knew he would.
I watched Romuald in my peripheral vision when Jerzy repeated everything in Polish for his benefit. There was a distinct shine of hero-worship in Rom's eyes – and why not? In his time, Jerzy had been one of Poland's most celebrated cyclists.
Keeping one eye on the proceedings, I checked my phone. Australia was, what, eight or nine hours ahead of Lisbon? Surely Solange was done with her photo shoots by now. Finding nothing, I stuffed the phone back in my pocket.
"We've got to get some space between ourselves and Maxxout. If they get within sniffing distance of our asses, they'll fly right up 'em."
Silence filled the hall. We knew this was true, too. For every member of our team, Team Maxxout had an equal. Well, for nearly every member. The one notable exception had rejoined us this year.
"You've all been working hard. I've seen it. You all made me proud at the Giro this year. I expect the same fine work from you now." With this, Jerzy's gaze again went to Brunn, who gave a slight, modest nod. I bit my lip and tried to keep my expression blank.
"You already know what to expect from the route: one good climb in the middle and it's all downhill from there.
"You know your strengths and weaknesses as well as I do. This is your event, Ciccio. See that you do it justice."
I nodded, hoping the gesture looked nonchalant in spite of my surge of pride. I hated that such a small acknowledgement could make me feel so important, but being singled out like that – in spite of my all-rounder status – was recognition of my strength in time trials.
Not even Brunn – another all-rounder – could say that.
***********
My husband Charles was still in the shower when I got out of bed. Our walking tour of Lisbon the previous night had exhausted me, but now I was awake and eager to start the day. In a few hours, we'd be in nearby Sintra, where the Tour d'Europa time trials would start and finish.
I sat at our hotel room's desk, took my digital camera out of its case and examined it, making sure everything functioned properly. I glanced over at the contraption now folded up into itself and sitting next to my backpack and sighed. Charles had been so pleased with himself when he'd given me the tripod, declaring it "a proper gift for a proper photographer". He clearly hadn't listened to a thing I'd said about what it would be like to take photos at a race. I'd only done a few – all of them local, amateur events – but I knew the last thing I'd need was something as complicated as that to deal with. And still, there it was. Maybe I could stash it in a suitcase, or "forget" it when we left for the stage start. If I didn't have it with me, I couldn't use it, right?
I went back to checking my cameras before Charles came out and stood behind me, drops of water falling from his hair onto the table.
"Do you mind, hon?" I asked over my shoulder. "You're going to get my lenses wet."
He hmphed in response and went to sit on the bed. I took off my eyeglasses and went to the window to open the curtains.
"What time does this race start anyway, Abigail?"
"One o'clock, but it's the time trial." I pulled the curtains apart and the tidy neighbourhood which housed our hotel came into view.
Charles shrugged, indifferent. "So?"
"It's only the first day. They'll leave one by one, circle through that huge park over on the coast and then come back."
He looked utterly uninterested but managed to keep from muttering anything under his breath. Needless to say, he didn't quite share my enthusiasm even though he'd given me this trip for our tenth anniversary: we were going to follow the entire Tour, stage by stage, from beginning to end.
When he'd given me the itinerary last September, then the plane tickets two months ago, I'd been thrilled speechless – both times. Now I realized my joy might have been a bit premature. Travelling around the continent with his moping mug in tow was going to be a stone drag if nothing changed.
Once I'd known this trip was a sure thing, I'd contacted a few sport magazines with a proposal for a photo journal called The Tour d'Europa, Day by Day. After a while I'd received a response from one saying they'd liked my portfolio and were interested. An added bonus: they'd agreed to reimburse me for equipment costs, as well.
My dream of selling my photographs was coming true.
I almost wished Charles would go home and leave me to it. I could surely find some English-speaking compatriots with whom I could enjoy myself, who would understand my interest and who wouldn't hope to see some crashes because they found them "quite entertaining."
"When it's over we'll go to the pub," I said and his face lit up.
"I saw one that looked promising a couple of blocks over," he said, genuinely interested for the first time. "It's made out to be a proper English pub, but we'll see."
"I guess we will." I put my glasses on again and turned my attention back to my cameras, my heart sinking ever-so-slightly in my chest.
*
Thanks to a paperwork mix-up, I didn't have my accreditation to shoot the race. The English-speaking official reassured me that I'd be able to collect my badge and vest at the press quarters in the morning before the next stage start. Undaunted, I made my way to the start line with Charles in tow. I'd have to try and grab the best shots I could from the sidelines.
If only Charles hadn't retrieved the bloody tripod when I'd left it behind in the room.
The crowd swarmed around us and I struggled to keep my camera up and properly focused on the top of the starting ramp. I took my time, using the tripod like a monopod and framing my shots with care. When each rider paused at the top of the ramp, I snapped a picture. When they began their descent, I snapped another. If I was lucky, I got another shot as they passed by.
In the interim between starts, I took "mood" shots: the crowd, the officials, details of the surrounding circus-like atmosphere. At the back of the ramp, a few cyclists waited for their start times. I aimed my lens behind the ramp and focused on one rider, cycling in slow circles, waiting for his turn to climb up to the starting house.
The scene reminded me of a race horse being paced before going into its post at the gate. There was something in the brightness of his team colours which cheered me.
An official signalled to the rider and he made a wide turn before dismounting to climb the ramp. After a few last-minute checks of his bike he was in position, poised and ready to descend onto the course.
"He looks mad enough to kill, doesn't he?" Charles laughed nervously, distracting me from the PA announcement of the rider's name. "I'd hate to be one of the blokes ahead of him."
I had to agree. A scowl of concentration twisted the handsome features beneath the space-age helmet and goggles. It was a chilling expression somewhere beyond determination, bordering on obsession.
A race official said something and the cyclist nodded, his gaze never leaving the road ahead of him. The countdown followed, the official's hand counting off the passing seconds as he called them out – três, dois, um – before snapping back as the electronic tone rang out. The rider shot down the ramp and up the street, a multicoloured blur disappearing into the distance.
The crowd cheered like mad. He was the last of his team to hit the tarmac and his reputation preceded him.
Exhilaration flooded through me, watching him go.
I checked the time and made a mental note to get to the finish and try to get a shot of him when he arrived. After detaching the camera from the tripod, I scrolled quickly through the shots stored in it. A bit of zooming showed his name on the display over the ramp: Federico Renard.
I nearly laughed, recalling the quasi-glamorous cover photo of him on the latest issue of Grand Tours Magazine. He looked quite different in real life.
"Come on." I put the tripod away before tugging Charles' sleeve to catch his attention again. "I have to get shots of the riders coming in."
He nodded, then followed reluctantly. His gaze strayed dolefully in the direction of the nearest pub as we passed it.
"Why don't you go and get yourself a drink?" I suggested. "I'll be fine by myself. You can even wait for me there, if you want."
"You're sure?" I hardly had a chance to nod before he hurried off.
Trying not to feel too relieved, I turned my attention back to the finish line. I snapped the next cyclist coming over the line and then the next, and the next.
I glanced in the direction of the pub, then back down the road. I took the tripod and rested it against a waste bin, then edged through the crowd to get some distance from the cumbersome object.
Around me the spectators waved flags and signs and cheered – not only for their favourites, but for every rider coming in. All at once, there were excited shouts and piercing whistles all around. Everyone turned to watch the giant screens on the sides of the road. Renard, the rider Charles thought looked so angry, had cleared the second checkpoint in record time. He was presently burning up the road on the descents out of the park, occasionally leaving the less-daring motorcycle cameramen behind. They weren't willing to take the curves at the same rate of speed.
Clearing a bend in the road to fly down to the straightaway beyond, Renard shot past a rider who'd left the start house a full two minutes ahead of him. The next switchbacks in the road made the crowd gasp, and my heart pounded so hard I could scarcely breathe. Finally he swept past yet another rider and out onto somewhat more open road.
The crowd tensed, watching along the road for him. On the screen another dramatic scene played out. Renard had now surpassed the time of his teammate and fan favourite, Heinrich Brunn – quite easily, by the look of it – and was making his way toward the finish. The seconds which separated them began to expand: Brunn's time was five seconds longer, ten, twenty. The standings on the screen shifted accordingly. Renard rose higher and higher, from fourth to third to second and then to a clear first-place finish.
My camera all but forgotten, I leaned over the barrier and watched eagerly for his arrival. I needn't have worried about missing him – the roar of the crowd swept along with him as he closed in on the finish line. The sound grew louder and louder still, every possible noisemaker being improvised and then employed. Cheers and shouts which bordered on screams, megaphones used to amplify shouts of joy, inflatable "thundersticks" thwapped together to produce manic, percussive sounds. People clapped their hands and banged on the barriers, jumping up and down.
And then, there he was. I gathered my senses and snapped photos of him approaching the line, one arm raised over his head in a show of jubilation, complete and utter joy on his face.
The chronometer overhead said it all: he'd arrived one full minute ahead of the fastest rider up to that point.
He rode straight into the waiting arms of his team handlers, his shoulders slumping as though he were melting into their hands. I caught glimpses of him collapsing onto the road, pawing at his helmet until someone helped him out of it, and then lying flat on the pavement past the fencing which kept the team buses and equipment away from the general public.
His chest heaved, expanding to twice its size as he gulped in breath after breath, his hands limp on his belly. He was still smiling.
Suddenly he was lost from my view. Only then did I realize I'd been snapping photos the whole time.
A touch on my shoulder shook me out of my trance. I looked up into blue eyes and it took a moment before I recognized my husband.
"What's all the excitement, then? And where's your tripod?"
"What? I—" I looked around with what I hoped looked like panic on my face. "Someone nicked it – I can't believe it! I had it just a while ago."
I raised my hand to my forehead and hoped he'd believe me.
For the moment, anyway, he seemed to. He looked around the crowd, quickly checking every hand in sight. I desperately hoped no-one was foolish enough to have one, and that he wouldn't start checking all the waste bins along the street.
That would be tough to explain.
**************************************
Back at the hotel, I had two thorough goings-over at the same time. The team masseur worked his magic on my legs – cooling the fire smouldering beneath my skin – while Jerzy tore into me with a restraint I'd never seen before.
"Grandstanding," he growled, pacing the length of the room. "Shameless grandstanding, Ciccio. I don't approve of such things. It could have cost you time."
"But it didn't," I said, looking up at him from the massage table.
He whirled around and narrowed one eye at me, his signal that I should shut up if I intended to keep all my most precious body parts. The masseur kept his head down and continued working as though the threat weren't hanging in the air amongst us.
"It could have, is what I said. Save the shows for when you join the circus."
The blood drained from my face as shame filled it. He was right. Sure, I'd managed a phenomenal lead – fifty-five seconds ahead of Brunn, forty seconds ahead of Schlessinger and Maxxout, who would be marking my ass as a personal vendetta for sure – but starting tomorrow, the stages would be longer and harder, and I wouldn't be on my own.
"Work with the team, Ciccio, not against them."
I nodded, chastened. Jerzy remained at the foot of the table, behind the masseur, and glared at me before storming off. The masseur glanced up at me with a sympathetic look and I closed my eyes, exhausted.
A short while later Attilio "Attila" Castelli, our other climber, poked his head around the doorframe.
"Ciao, Chicco. Come va?"
"Va bene, Attila. Sorry I crushed your ass, today."
"Ma, vaffanculo, amico mio." He gestured obscenely, then dragged a chair over to sit next to me."I've never seen them yank someone onto the bus for a piss so fast."
I shrugged, which wasn't easy to do lying down. "It's to be expected."
"Didn't it take the buzz off your ride? So to speak."
I shrugged again and the masseur started working on my other leg. "Not really. I must have made an impression." I listened carefully, trying to recognise the voices chatting in the corridor. "Dimmi… what has he said?"
My teammate lowered his head and shook it. He knew I meant Brunn, and he would be the one to know what Brunn thought. He'd been Brunn's domestique since he'd returned. "Niente. Nothing. It didn't bother him to get shoved down to fourth."
"Beh, never mind, then." I waved one hand airily before dropping it onto my stomach. "I guess it's better than having him pissed off."
"I'll see you at dinner tonight. Wear your helmet, just in case." He stood up as the masseur completed his work and towelled my legs dry. "By the way, rumour has it that a copy of Grand Tours popped up."
I groaned.
"Phil and James have it, so there's no way to get it away from them."
"I'll have to try."
Attilio paused in the doorway and gave me a wicked grin. "It's a lovely photo, by the way. 'The Face of the Tour'?"
"Fuck off," I said, half-grinning and chucking a towel at him.
He ducked my bad throw, raised one hand and disappeared, leaving me to contemplate the evening to come.
My desire to celebrate had evaporated.
******************************
After dinner at the pub and a short stroll around the neighbourhood, Charles and I returned to our room. He undressed in terse, jerky movements, scowling all the while.
It was my fault. I'd been antsy at the pub, eager to get back and have another look at the photos I'd taken in the afternoon. My heart raced while I looked over the shots of Renard's arrival. They'd turned out very well. Even the blurry ones weren't too bad.
"So how are they?" Charles asked from behind me.
"Pretty good, actually. There are some real possibilities in here. Especially of Renard."
"Which one's that?"
"The one who won today."
"Oh, right." He yawned and stretched, then started digging in his suitcase. "Well, I think I'm ready for bed. How about you?"
"Almost."
Charles disappeared into the bathroom, and I paused to examine one photo in particular. Renard lay on the pavement, looking limp as a rag while members of his team's staff surrounded him. I had a sudden, undeniable urge to reach out and touch him, to offer some sort of warmth amidst the seemingly clinical treatment of those observing him.
It was a silly thought but I couldn't help it. He seemed so alone in that crowd.
I shook my head, closed the file, shut the computer off, then went to close the curtains.
Before I put my nightgown on, Charles came out of the bathroom and stopped short.
"Abby, love… How tired are we?"
I considered this, then smiled. "I reckon I've got a bit more energy yet."
"Grand." He crossed the room and put his arms around me, his lips touching mine briefly. "It's time we celebrated our anniversary properly, isn't it?"
I nodded and let him lead me to the bed.
And so we celebrated.
Don't walk if you can stand. Don't stand if you can sit. Don't sit if you can lie down. The professional cyclist's mantra whirled around in my head until I could no longer be sure where it ended or began again.
At least I could do as instructed: I was flat on my back in bed, eyes closed, trying to ignore the way my stomach was twisting and turning. I wasn't sick, but it was going to be a struggle to maintain the poker face I'd need today.
I tried to shift my focus onto the time trial course I'd ride in a few hours. The recon ride with the group yesterday convinced me today's first stage was as good as mine. Barely forty kilometres long with only one climb through the heart of Sintra-Cascais Natural Park, then a winding descent on narrow switchback curves before the home stretch back toward Sintra itself.
My final, solo recon was in a couple of hours. I wanted to ride the route without distractions. I'd take it slow and easy, just enough to warm up and not expend too much energy before my afternoon start.
Refocusing again, I recalled yesterday's ride in detail: the bike as an extension of myself, the vibration of the road surface travelling through it. My reflexes and muscles twitched in anticipation of the increased effort of the climb and the slaloming descent on the other side, warm wind rushing past to cool the sweat standing on my skin. I grinned.
I've got the best fucking job in the world.
A tell-tale snick of a key card in the door's electronic lock pulled me back to full wakefulness. The door slammed open to the accompaniment of a fist pounding on the doorframe and a thunderous, demanding call:
"Renard! Brodowski! Wake up! Sveglia! Réveillez! Zbudzić!"
I glanced over at Romuald Brodowski, my roommate. Flat on his back he was, miraculously, still asleep.
He also sported a hard-on to shame even the most ambitious of men. His sheets made an impressive tent in the light from the hallway.
How the hell does he ride a bike with that thing?
Another pass from Jerzy Jankowski, our team manager/directeur sportif/Svengali, followed:
"Federico! Romuald! It's time!"
Jerzy moved down the corridor, banging open the doors of every room and shouting the names of my teammates as he had Rom's and mine. In the past, other occupants of the hotels had complained. This was a bad idea considering Jerzy's notorious temper, but few outside of the sport knew that. The team had been banned from five different hotels in France alone before the team sponsors had a talk with Jerzy (long-distance; they weren't crazy) and came up with a new plan.
Now, race organizers rented entire floors – sometimes entire bed-and-breakfasts or small hotels – to accommodate our riders and staff. This arrangement smacked of 'preferential treatment' to some of the other team organizations, and they were vocal about it, mocking all of Alta VeloCidad for being soft or for thinking we were somehow special.
Fuck it all.
I pulled my pillow out from under my head and ducked under it to block out the light and (as if it were remotely possible) to muffle Jerzy's shouting.
Besides, I knew what was coming next:
The nicknames.
"Ciccio! Robaczku! NOW!"
Once he'd reached this point, there was no going back. It was time to get up or risk an ice-water bath in bed. The bucket sloshed ominously while Jerzy stomped along the corridor, shouting out the nicknames for each member of the team.
Rom's nickname, Robaczku, supposedly means something like "Little Bug". No one has yet been able to clarify its origin for me.
My nickname is "Ciccio." In some regions of Italy, it's a term of endearment, which also means "chubby."
I hate it. Always have; always will. And that's precisely why Jerzy used it rather than "Chicco" – a proper nickname for "Federico." Subtle differences mean a lot.
Hearing it was motivation enough to get to my feet and shuffle to the toilet.
Before I reached the bathroom Jerzy poked his head into the room.
"Enfin, tu t'es réveillé!"
For some reason I'd been expecting Italian, not French, and it took me a moment to respond in my first mother tongue.
"Oui… presque." I was barely awake in spite of the sonic barrage, and he knew it.
"Est-il en place?"
"Certaines régions plus que d'autres, oui," I joked, regrettably aware some parts of my roommate were more awake than others.
Unamused, Jerzy grunted, shook his head and hit the light switch, bucket in hand. I went into the bathroom and closed the door.
At the same instant a flood of Polish expletives rushed out in Jerzy's voice, followed shortly thereafter by a splash and Romuald's simultaneous shriek of surprise.
I opened the bathroom door as Jerzy stalked out into the corridor and disappeared from sight. The now-empty bucket clanged hollowly from the direction of the ice machine at the end of the hall. I turned to find my team's wunderkind hill-climber dancing in place in the middle of our room, my dry bedcover wrapped around him for warmth.
He paused in his dance to look at me, his white-blond hair hanging limp and wet in his face, his eyes bright and alert. At least now the bedcover lay flat across his front.
"Czy długo będziesz?" he asked, pointing behind me.
I speak several languages – English, German, a smattering of Spanish, and I grew up speaking both French and Italian. Polish, however, hardly registers on my radar – with the exception of a few choice obscenities Jerzy had inadvertently taught us all.
I shrugged, not understanding, and ducked back inside to have my morning shower. One of my unofficial duties for the team was to get Rom speaking other languages. Though we'd roomed together for several months, he still spoke mostly Polish. He'd mastered food, drink, and rudimentary directions in a variety of languages, and that was about it. Oh, and swearing. He could curse in every language of the team (and there were plenty); in that regard, he was a prodigy.
I left the bathroom for Rom and got dressed. The process took much longer than normal, thanks to my compulsive handling of my mobile phone.
Put on underwear – check phone and make sure it's not on mute.
Put on sweatpants – check phone and make sure ringer is audible.
Put on t-shirt – check phone and make sure I didn't shut it off.
Put on socks and shoes – check where I put phone, to be sure I didn't lose it in the bedclothes.
Put on windbreaker and wristwatch – check phone and swear in frustration.
Where the hell was her call? Usually my fiancée, Solange, called early in the morning.
Today? Nothing. She hadn't called for a week.
I scrolled down to Melo, Solange, pressed "send," and waited.
And waited. The voicemail picked up, her stiff recitation of her name the only indication that the number was hers. I rang off without leaving a message. The others hadn't made a difference, anyway.
It was just as well. Jerzy was banging on doors again, summoning us to the dining hall. Rom and I fell into step behind our teammates on the worn hallway carpeting of our two-star hotel.
Heinrich Brunn was at the head of the group as usual. Without any breakfast in me, the sight of his back was enough to set my stomach on fire. I sensed Rom watching me and forced the scowl off my face, then rubbed my stomach, feigning hunger.
It was hard to keep my resentment to myself. Everyone on the team knew I was unhappy. I was sure Brunn knew it. Aside from Jerzy, Brunn knew me better than anyone else on the team did.
I'd been his domestique for three years, sacrificing my own strength and potential stage wins so that he, as team leader, could take the points, the titles – and often the entire competition. It was my job and I had done it without complaint, as Rom now did for me, because I knew my time would come.
Brunn had been in a major car accident in the off-season nearly four years ago, along with Jerzy and two other riders, one of whom died, the other rendered paraplegic. Both of Jerzy's legs had been broken. With a fractured pelvis, a cervical fracture and considerable damage to his knee, Brunn's initial diagnosis was that he'd never ride again. Then it was revised to say he'd never compete again. Then that changed to 'He'll never ride a Grand Tour'.
Yet here we were, about to ride the biggest Grand Tour of all, the Tour d'Europa, and Brunn was our likely team leader. Again.
Instead of me.
The hotel staff paused in their duties, making no secret of the fact they were watching Brunn go by as our motley mob passed through the corridors. A few of them even applauded – quietly, timidly – and I knew that Brunn had assumed his trademark intimidating scowl.
In contrast, I flashed everyone we met the biggest smile I could manage. One or two of the staffers smiled back. A young chambermaid batted her eyelashes at me in a charming, flirtatious way and I had to resist looking back after passing her.
Jerzy's team rules dictated that women were strictly verboten. No fooling around of any sort was permitted until after the Tour. Not that anyone would be up to dealing with a woman after riding a bike over a mountain or across one hundred-plus kilometres, six days out of seven.
A second young lady offered me a suggestive smile and I was forced to recall the salacious cover story for Grand Tours Magazine, which had dubbed me "The Face of the Tour." Try and live with that hanging over your head.
Still, if it stole some of Brunn's thunder, it was all to the good.
I had been Jerzy's pride and joy for the last four years; the heir apparent to Brunn's title. But as soon as the German had announced an interest in riding again, I ceased to exist in Jerzy's eyes.
Nothing I'd achieved was as impressive as Brunn's remarkable comeback. Every last one of my accomplishments, my titles – everything I'd achieved in his absence was forgotten.
Don't get me wrong. Brunn is an incredible athlete – his showing in the Giro d'Italia was proof enough of that. Placing sixth after nearly four years away is outstanding for anyone – never mind that he'd recovered so quickly from his injuries.
The manic publicity after Brunn joined the team again was nothing short of incredible. It was fitting and he deserved it, but that didn't erase the fact that I'd been short-changed.
Until Brunn's decision to return to the sport, until he'd rejoined us, I had been Jerzy's focus. I'd been performing beyond my wildest dreams, riding extremely well, taking prizes and stages almost at will.
And now, it meant nothing.
In spite of Brunn's presence or Jerzy's focus on him, I was determined to do my best on this Tour. I was approaching the peak of my abilities and I was determined; my expectations for this year's Tour d'Europa were higher than ever.
There was nowhere to go but down.
Never mind that. I can ride the hell out of the descents.
For now I was reduced to refraining from shooting daggers from my eyes at Brunn while the team filed down to the dining hall for our first meeting of the day. Under Jerzy's curt direction, we sat at the "U"-shaped tables which had been placed so we could all see him clearly.
He paced between the prongs while we settled in, some of us stifling yawns and rubbing bleary eyes. We'd had the recon ride yesterday, gone over the itinerary of the entire Tour – all twenty-seven stages – and hashed out initial strategies last night. We'd finished around midnight.
Jerzy directed me to a chair close to Brunn and Rom took the seat next to me. At last our leader stopped pacing, bringing the group to a collective hush. He turned slowly, silently, until his gaze came to rest on Brunn, who sat at the apex of the "U" looking like a king at the table, presiding over the lot of us.
"Today will be a challenge for some of you," Jerzy began. "It's not an especially difficult route, but I still expect each and every one of you to give your best to this today. Ride with your heads as well as your legs. If I see any slacking off, I will bring the car up and personally give you the shove of a lifetime."
A murmur of chuckles passed through the group, but I don't think anyone doubted that he'd do it. We knew he would.
I watched Romuald in my peripheral vision when Jerzy repeated everything in Polish for his benefit. There was a distinct shine of hero-worship in Rom's eyes – and why not? In his time, Jerzy had been one of Poland's most celebrated cyclists.
Keeping one eye on the proceedings, I checked my phone. Australia was, what, eight or nine hours ahead of Lisbon? Surely Solange was done with her photo shoots by now. Finding nothing, I stuffed the phone back in my pocket.
"We've got to get some space between ourselves and Maxxout. If they get within sniffing distance of our asses, they'll fly right up 'em."
Silence filled the hall. We knew this was true, too. For every member of our team, Team Maxxout had an equal. Well, for nearly every member. The one notable exception had rejoined us this year.
"You've all been working hard. I've seen it. You all made me proud at the Giro this year. I expect the same fine work from you now." With this, Jerzy's gaze again went to Brunn, who gave a slight, modest nod. I bit my lip and tried to keep my expression blank.
"You already know what to expect from the route: one good climb in the middle and it's all downhill from there.
"You know your strengths and weaknesses as well as I do. This is your event, Ciccio. See that you do it justice."
I nodded, hoping the gesture looked nonchalant in spite of my surge of pride. I hated that such a small acknowledgement could make me feel so important, but being singled out like that – in spite of my all-rounder status – was recognition of my strength in time trials.
Not even Brunn – another all-rounder – could say that.
***********
My husband Charles was still in the shower when I got out of bed. Our walking tour of Lisbon the previous night had exhausted me, but now I was awake and eager to start the day. In a few hours, we'd be in nearby Sintra, where the Tour d'Europa time trials would start and finish.
I sat at our hotel room's desk, took my digital camera out of its case and examined it, making sure everything functioned properly. I glanced over at the contraption now folded up into itself and sitting next to my backpack and sighed. Charles had been so pleased with himself when he'd given me the tripod, declaring it "a proper gift for a proper photographer". He clearly hadn't listened to a thing I'd said about what it would be like to take photos at a race. I'd only done a few – all of them local, amateur events – but I knew the last thing I'd need was something as complicated as that to deal with. And still, there it was. Maybe I could stash it in a suitcase, or "forget" it when we left for the stage start. If I didn't have it with me, I couldn't use it, right?
I went back to checking my cameras before Charles came out and stood behind me, drops of water falling from his hair onto the table.
"Do you mind, hon?" I asked over my shoulder. "You're going to get my lenses wet."
He hmphed in response and went to sit on the bed. I took off my eyeglasses and went to the window to open the curtains.
"What time does this race start anyway, Abigail?"
"One o'clock, but it's the time trial." I pulled the curtains apart and the tidy neighbourhood which housed our hotel came into view.
Charles shrugged, indifferent. "So?"
"It's only the first day. They'll leave one by one, circle through that huge park over on the coast and then come back."
He looked utterly uninterested but managed to keep from muttering anything under his breath. Needless to say, he didn't quite share my enthusiasm even though he'd given me this trip for our tenth anniversary: we were going to follow the entire Tour, stage by stage, from beginning to end.
When he'd given me the itinerary last September, then the plane tickets two months ago, I'd been thrilled speechless – both times. Now I realized my joy might have been a bit premature. Travelling around the continent with his moping mug in tow was going to be a stone drag if nothing changed.
Once I'd known this trip was a sure thing, I'd contacted a few sport magazines with a proposal for a photo journal called The Tour d'Europa, Day by Day. After a while I'd received a response from one saying they'd liked my portfolio and were interested. An added bonus: they'd agreed to reimburse me for equipment costs, as well.
My dream of selling my photographs was coming true.
I almost wished Charles would go home and leave me to it. I could surely find some English-speaking compatriots with whom I could enjoy myself, who would understand my interest and who wouldn't hope to see some crashes because they found them "quite entertaining."
"When it's over we'll go to the pub," I said and his face lit up.
"I saw one that looked promising a couple of blocks over," he said, genuinely interested for the first time. "It's made out to be a proper English pub, but we'll see."
"I guess we will." I put my glasses on again and turned my attention back to my cameras, my heart sinking ever-so-slightly in my chest.
*
Thanks to a paperwork mix-up, I didn't have my accreditation to shoot the race. The English-speaking official reassured me that I'd be able to collect my badge and vest at the press quarters in the morning before the next stage start. Undaunted, I made my way to the start line with Charles in tow. I'd have to try and grab the best shots I could from the sidelines.
If only Charles hadn't retrieved the bloody tripod when I'd left it behind in the room.
The crowd swarmed around us and I struggled to keep my camera up and properly focused on the top of the starting ramp. I took my time, using the tripod like a monopod and framing my shots with care. When each rider paused at the top of the ramp, I snapped a picture. When they began their descent, I snapped another. If I was lucky, I got another shot as they passed by.
In the interim between starts, I took "mood" shots: the crowd, the officials, details of the surrounding circus-like atmosphere. At the back of the ramp, a few cyclists waited for their start times. I aimed my lens behind the ramp and focused on one rider, cycling in slow circles, waiting for his turn to climb up to the starting house.
The scene reminded me of a race horse being paced before going into its post at the gate. There was something in the brightness of his team colours which cheered me.
An official signalled to the rider and he made a wide turn before dismounting to climb the ramp. After a few last-minute checks of his bike he was in position, poised and ready to descend onto the course.
"He looks mad enough to kill, doesn't he?" Charles laughed nervously, distracting me from the PA announcement of the rider's name. "I'd hate to be one of the blokes ahead of him."
I had to agree. A scowl of concentration twisted the handsome features beneath the space-age helmet and goggles. It was a chilling expression somewhere beyond determination, bordering on obsession.
A race official said something and the cyclist nodded, his gaze never leaving the road ahead of him. The countdown followed, the official's hand counting off the passing seconds as he called them out – três, dois, um – before snapping back as the electronic tone rang out. The rider shot down the ramp and up the street, a multicoloured blur disappearing into the distance.
The crowd cheered like mad. He was the last of his team to hit the tarmac and his reputation preceded him.
Exhilaration flooded through me, watching him go.
I checked the time and made a mental note to get to the finish and try to get a shot of him when he arrived. After detaching the camera from the tripod, I scrolled quickly through the shots stored in it. A bit of zooming showed his name on the display over the ramp: Federico Renard.
I nearly laughed, recalling the quasi-glamorous cover photo of him on the latest issue of Grand Tours Magazine. He looked quite different in real life.
"Come on." I put the tripod away before tugging Charles' sleeve to catch his attention again. "I have to get shots of the riders coming in."
He nodded, then followed reluctantly. His gaze strayed dolefully in the direction of the nearest pub as we passed it.
"Why don't you go and get yourself a drink?" I suggested. "I'll be fine by myself. You can even wait for me there, if you want."
"You're sure?" I hardly had a chance to nod before he hurried off.
Trying not to feel too relieved, I turned my attention back to the finish line. I snapped the next cyclist coming over the line and then the next, and the next.
I glanced in the direction of the pub, then back down the road. I took the tripod and rested it against a waste bin, then edged through the crowd to get some distance from the cumbersome object.
Around me the spectators waved flags and signs and cheered – not only for their favourites, but for every rider coming in. All at once, there were excited shouts and piercing whistles all around. Everyone turned to watch the giant screens on the sides of the road. Renard, the rider Charles thought looked so angry, had cleared the second checkpoint in record time. He was presently burning up the road on the descents out of the park, occasionally leaving the less-daring motorcycle cameramen behind. They weren't willing to take the curves at the same rate of speed.
Clearing a bend in the road to fly down to the straightaway beyond, Renard shot past a rider who'd left the start house a full two minutes ahead of him. The next switchbacks in the road made the crowd gasp, and my heart pounded so hard I could scarcely breathe. Finally he swept past yet another rider and out onto somewhat more open road.
The crowd tensed, watching along the road for him. On the screen another dramatic scene played out. Renard had now surpassed the time of his teammate and fan favourite, Heinrich Brunn – quite easily, by the look of it – and was making his way toward the finish. The seconds which separated them began to expand: Brunn's time was five seconds longer, ten, twenty. The standings on the screen shifted accordingly. Renard rose higher and higher, from fourth to third to second and then to a clear first-place finish.
My camera all but forgotten, I leaned over the barrier and watched eagerly for his arrival. I needn't have worried about missing him – the roar of the crowd swept along with him as he closed in on the finish line. The sound grew louder and louder still, every possible noisemaker being improvised and then employed. Cheers and shouts which bordered on screams, megaphones used to amplify shouts of joy, inflatable "thundersticks" thwapped together to produce manic, percussive sounds. People clapped their hands and banged on the barriers, jumping up and down.
And then, there he was. I gathered my senses and snapped photos of him approaching the line, one arm raised over his head in a show of jubilation, complete and utter joy on his face.
The chronometer overhead said it all: he'd arrived one full minute ahead of the fastest rider up to that point.
He rode straight into the waiting arms of his team handlers, his shoulders slumping as though he were melting into their hands. I caught glimpses of him collapsing onto the road, pawing at his helmet until someone helped him out of it, and then lying flat on the pavement past the fencing which kept the team buses and equipment away from the general public.
His chest heaved, expanding to twice its size as he gulped in breath after breath, his hands limp on his belly. He was still smiling.
Suddenly he was lost from my view. Only then did I realize I'd been snapping photos the whole time.
A touch on my shoulder shook me out of my trance. I looked up into blue eyes and it took a moment before I recognized my husband.
"What's all the excitement, then? And where's your tripod?"
"What? I—" I looked around with what I hoped looked like panic on my face. "Someone nicked it – I can't believe it! I had it just a while ago."
I raised my hand to my forehead and hoped he'd believe me.
For the moment, anyway, he seemed to. He looked around the crowd, quickly checking every hand in sight. I desperately hoped no-one was foolish enough to have one, and that he wouldn't start checking all the waste bins along the street.
That would be tough to explain.
**************************************
Back at the hotel, I had two thorough goings-over at the same time. The team masseur worked his magic on my legs – cooling the fire smouldering beneath my skin – while Jerzy tore into me with a restraint I'd never seen before.
"Grandstanding," he growled, pacing the length of the room. "Shameless grandstanding, Ciccio. I don't approve of such things. It could have cost you time."
"But it didn't," I said, looking up at him from the massage table.
He whirled around and narrowed one eye at me, his signal that I should shut up if I intended to keep all my most precious body parts. The masseur kept his head down and continued working as though the threat weren't hanging in the air amongst us.
"It could have, is what I said. Save the shows for when you join the circus."
The blood drained from my face as shame filled it. He was right. Sure, I'd managed a phenomenal lead – fifty-five seconds ahead of Brunn, forty seconds ahead of Schlessinger and Maxxout, who would be marking my ass as a personal vendetta for sure – but starting tomorrow, the stages would be longer and harder, and I wouldn't be on my own.
"Work with the team, Ciccio, not against them."
I nodded, chastened. Jerzy remained at the foot of the table, behind the masseur, and glared at me before storming off. The masseur glanced up at me with a sympathetic look and I closed my eyes, exhausted.
A short while later Attilio "Attila" Castelli, our other climber, poked his head around the doorframe.
"Ciao, Chicco. Come va?"
"Va bene, Attila. Sorry I crushed your ass, today."
"Ma, vaffanculo, amico mio." He gestured obscenely, then dragged a chair over to sit next to me."I've never seen them yank someone onto the bus for a piss so fast."
I shrugged, which wasn't easy to do lying down. "It's to be expected."
"Didn't it take the buzz off your ride? So to speak."
I shrugged again and the masseur started working on my other leg. "Not really. I must have made an impression." I listened carefully, trying to recognise the voices chatting in the corridor. "Dimmi… what has he said?"
My teammate lowered his head and shook it. He knew I meant Brunn, and he would be the one to know what Brunn thought. He'd been Brunn's domestique since he'd returned. "Niente. Nothing. It didn't bother him to get shoved down to fourth."
"Beh, never mind, then." I waved one hand airily before dropping it onto my stomach. "I guess it's better than having him pissed off."
"I'll see you at dinner tonight. Wear your helmet, just in case." He stood up as the masseur completed his work and towelled my legs dry. "By the way, rumour has it that a copy of Grand Tours popped up."
I groaned.
"Phil and James have it, so there's no way to get it away from them."
"I'll have to try."
Attilio paused in the doorway and gave me a wicked grin. "It's a lovely photo, by the way. 'The Face of the Tour'?"
"Fuck off," I said, half-grinning and chucking a towel at him.
He ducked my bad throw, raised one hand and disappeared, leaving me to contemplate the evening to come.
My desire to celebrate had evaporated.
******************************
After dinner at the pub and a short stroll around the neighbourhood, Charles and I returned to our room. He undressed in terse, jerky movements, scowling all the while.
It was my fault. I'd been antsy at the pub, eager to get back and have another look at the photos I'd taken in the afternoon. My heart raced while I looked over the shots of Renard's arrival. They'd turned out very well. Even the blurry ones weren't too bad.
"So how are they?" Charles asked from behind me.
"Pretty good, actually. There are some real possibilities in here. Especially of Renard."
"Which one's that?"
"The one who won today."
"Oh, right." He yawned and stretched, then started digging in his suitcase. "Well, I think I'm ready for bed. How about you?"
"Almost."
Charles disappeared into the bathroom, and I paused to examine one photo in particular. Renard lay on the pavement, looking limp as a rag while members of his team's staff surrounded him. I had a sudden, undeniable urge to reach out and touch him, to offer some sort of warmth amidst the seemingly clinical treatment of those observing him.
It was a silly thought but I couldn't help it. He seemed so alone in that crowd.
I shook my head, closed the file, shut the computer off, then went to close the curtains.
Before I put my nightgown on, Charles came out of the bathroom and stopped short.
"Abby, love… How tired are we?"
I considered this, then smiled. "I reckon I've got a bit more energy yet."
"Grand." He crossed the room and put his arms around me, his lips touching mine briefly. "It's time we celebrated our anniversary properly, isn't it?"
I nodded and let him lead me to the bed.
And so we celebrated.
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