There's nothing generally displeasing about my life at this point, really. There have been some recent emotional upheavals, yes, and I'm still feeling the fallout from these events. I'm dealing. I'm coping.
And I'm still creating.
So what's the problem, then?
I've got the Seasonal Blues. I think it's like Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Most folks get this in the winter, because of the lack of sunlight and warmth. This is a big contributor to feelings of depression, which increase around the holiday season (which is hard enough just for being the holidays, anyway, am I right?).
But I suspect that I might have a slightly different, less-heralded version of this affliction:
I hate Spring and Summer.
The longer days, the warmth, the increase of sunlight - all these things and more contribute to my depression in these seasons. My creativity decreases markedly. My desire to do *anything* decreases as the days warm up and the nights disappear.
I'm a polar opposite (pun not intended, but delightful all the same) to my husband, who thrives in warm conditions. He's a sporty type, too, so that goes a long way. Me? Not so much. I stopped enjoying summer heat as soon as I reached my teens. Holidays from school were great, but the heat? No, thanks. I'll take a side trip to Alaska, please. Or the Northwest Territories. Dang, now I've got friends in Northern Europe - maybe they'd like a houseguest for a few months?
Instead, I want to curl up and cry as the heat increases, but I can't, because curling up makes me warmer, which leads to heat rash. Ick. Usually I go home to the US in summer, to visit my family and friends there, and it works out really well since I can't comfortably bear the heat for the full three summer months in Italy.
As a matter of fact, the springtime warming trend itself is enough to send me into fits. I can't wear my coats or sweatshirts or pullovers any more, and that makes me sad. (I loooove my autumn and winter clothing.) I have to start wearing shorts instead of jeans. (BOOOO!) I stop sleeping through the night, because the warmth keeps me awake. I toss and turn, swat at mosquitoes, and end up on the living room sofa so I won't keep Alle awake.
The lack of sleep makes me more irritable than usual, naturally. It also makes it harder for me to make my walks around town for work, especially when it's getting hotter, and hotter, and... Phew! I start eating cereal for breakfast (waaah! I want my milky tea!), yogurt smoothies for lunch, and cold sandwiches and/or fruit for dinner. Poor hubby. He loves fruit, but the sandwiches do get a bit boring - but who can cook in that heat?
By the time June rolls around and I'm packing to go to see my family in the US, I'm having to try to sleep during the day and stay up later and later each night. Especially if I want to write. I've always written better at night, better still when it's cool or cold. My mind goes into overdrive without fear of overheating, I guess. (I'm only partly joking.)
Alessandro doesn't like hearing about this. It bothers him to think I'm actually suffering the least little bit, when he's able to cope so well. All the same, I don't ask for an air conditioner (not practical for the way our home is laid out), and I understand that a return to the US might not always be possible.
I keep my fan at my back to keep me cool, and I keep trying to write. I lower the blinds to keep the sun out during the day (and yes, I even have to close the windows when the temps get into the upper nineties outside. The house stays cooler that way), and try not to do too much once I'm out of my cool/cold shower each morning.
After all this, you might well wonder: "Why is she telling us this?"
The answer is: I don't know. I suppose it's a plea to the cosmos for help, or to my fellow human beings for a little understanding when I become even more "complainy" than usual.
A little seasonal kindness from the Mild Weather Fairies wouldn't hurt, either. If only for the sake of my friends and family, who have to put up with me.
Keep cool, y'all!